Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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