I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I believe in your delicious
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
