I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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