Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I know her cup size but not her name....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
