you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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