girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
