Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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