i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
