mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
