it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the day after is always just damage control
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
