well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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