Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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