im about as happy as oj after his trial
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize