Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
