Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
