make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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