yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
