so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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