Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
