Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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