dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
