I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
