Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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