Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just pee around me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
