So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
