she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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