I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
