He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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