i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
