either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I need moral support for this bender
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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