So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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