I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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