he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wear drunk well.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
