Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
