yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
