If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
