just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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