that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
