That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
