the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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