I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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