I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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