too bad you live with your parents still
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
