It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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