2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
