Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
