this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
