My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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