just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We need a shit load of segways right now
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
