Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
